Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Moving to Utah... Regrets?!

So recently in a conversation with a friend the topic of me moving to Utah came up. She knows why I came out here, but she asked in so many words if I regretted it or if I'm even happy here. That got me thinking... So here's my response...

As many of you know I moved to Utah on faith and a prompting. I knew that it was the right thing for me to do. I didn't understand why or even how it was all going to work out, but I knew it was what I needed to do for me. As I planned to move here things fell into place, which only confirmed that I needed to go. I moved into an basement apartment in Orem. Probably for the first 6 months I REALLY did not like the fact that I was in Utah. It wasn't horrible, it just wasn't where I wanted to be. I took a trip home that Christmas and realized how much I had gotten used to being on my own and how much I had grown. I came back to Utah with a bit of a better attitude. Although I will admit I still had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I did get out a lil bit more and made some friends. I later moved into an amazing house and loved my roommates. I also got a job that I enjoyed a lot more. Although I still missed home a ton, and still told people I don't know what I was thinking when I left Hawaii, I was learning to love Orem and the life that I had... it only took me a year and a half. I enjoyed the two jobs I had, loved my bosses at BOTH jobs, I had wonderful roommates, loved my ward and bishop, and I had good friends. What more could I ask for right?! Well, Heavenly Father had other ideas. He felt it was time for me to move AGAIN! I was SO SO SO not happy. I mean, I know the man has a plan and purpose for everything BUT FOR REAL?! WHAT THE HECK?! If anything this prompting was even clearer and stronger then the one I got to move to Utah. I immediately craved that chip back on my shoulder that I had when I moved to Utah and that I had not too long before that had gotten rid of. But, I quickly quit both job and picked up my life and moved an hour north of where I was, to a little place called Clearfield. Luckily, I had my sister Pua up here with me (and Kahi in Provo), or else I might not have made it. Since moving to Clearfield... WOW! I have been challenged like I didn't even think possible. I had a plan, and when things did not come together as I thought they would have, I got very discouraged. I never questioned if I made the right move by picking up so quickly and moving because I knew that I did the right thing. But I questioned my purpose for being moved at all. I didn't see it. And even though I know that I may not see His purpose in the things that he does, it didn't help me stay positive. I struggled everyday. I still struggle. But after being here for 9 months, things are feeling more enjoyable and less like a struggle, which I LOVE! Things feel like they're coming together. Things seem to be a lil better every day. I still get tested every day, but I have a renewed hope about life in general. Its very nice. I'm learning to let go of my bitterness and do away with that chip on my shoulder. I remind myself daily to find the simple pleasures of life!! To be that happy person I know I am.
Overall, I'm so grateful for the experiences that I've had since moving to Utah. They have all not been enjoyable or pleasant. BUT I've been able to learn and grow so much. I've learned how to live with strangers... amazing, fun, crazy (literally), and unpleasant. Something that I really needed to learn was how to rely on my family more. I've always pretty independent. Its amazing when you move away to a place where you know few people (as few as I can in MY world, being from Laie, and Uncle Sam's daughter), I really learned that my family were the most constant people in my life that I could call upon at any time and they would be there for me. I learned to appreciate my parents both individually and together. I constantly catch myself doing things or remembering things that they taught me and worked so hard to instill in me. And some I admit I NEVER thought I'd care about, or I didn't even realize that I WAS listening and paying attention to what they were trying to teach me. I learned how to communicate better with family and friends. When you're so far apart there are so many things that can just be assumed... and we all know what assuming does... so through trial and error I've learned to not assume and communicate. I've learned who my REAL and TRUE friends are. I've learned to let go or distance myself from those who bring me down. I've learned to be grateful for the little things. I've realized how much I took home and all of Hawaii for granted, wish I never had, and know that I never will again. I've learned to take care of myself in so many ways that I had neglected before. Most of all I've learned to trust and rely on Heavenly Father. To have the faith that I need. My tetsimony has grown so much since I've come here. I can't even begin to explain all the I've learned and how much I've grown since coming here.... words wouldn't do it justice.
My only 2 regrets... 1. Some of my stupid mistake that I've made, man I wish I could take some of those back. But I also realize that with those choices came the experiences that have made me who I am. 2. That I haven't had a better attitude about moving here. That I wasn't so bitter for so long. I know that there has been a plan all along. I know that there was and is still a purpose to me moving here. But I realize now that even though I moved here because I was doing the right thing I didn't do it with the right attitude. There's a difference in doing something willingly because you are asked, and doing it JUST because you were told and not really looking at it for what it truely is.
My plan now... learn all that I can. Take every alst bit in... with the RIGHT attitude. Grow as much as I can... spiritually MUCH more then physically LOL! Work as hard as I can to have my own life plan match up with Heavenly Fathers. Learn to love Utah... as much as my mom does or at least close to it, appreciate all it has to offer and its beauty. And to smile and laugh my way through life!!! I'm sure there are hard times ahead... but now more then ever I realize I get to choose if those hard times are gonna get to me or not. Like my mom says... Water off a ducks back!!!! Or my favorite new motto... Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... its about learning to dance in the rain.
Dancing here I come....

11 comments:

Fike's Lives said...

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I am glad you moved out to Utah, I never would have met you otherwise.

Kahanu said...

Nia I love you, you are so awesome! I admire your consant faith and determination to follow Heavenly Father's plan no matter what! I am so proud to call you my sister!! lots of love!!

lilia said...

you are the best. i miss you but i agree about lessons learned are easier with a good attitude. thanks for the reminder.

Karessie said...

LoL. sounds like a lesson in humility aunty nia! I had one of those last week...talk about SUCKY. But totally worth it :D :D :D The best part about Heavenly Father? When we do what he asks, he gives us little "glimpses" of our life plan...and those glimpses are enough to keep you going! Look for those sneak peeks aunty nia!!! :) :) :)

RonnaLee said...

Oh, Nia how I can relate to your comments. I felt so strongly that we should move out here to this little town and when we did, life fell apart! I spent so many times wondering if I was wrong and if not, what was going on. After three moves, different jobs, poverty, stress, heartache and seven years - most days I can say that I am glad we moved here. Of course it's not as far away as Hawaii, but it was still difficult leaving my very best friends and home. I can tell you that we have been blessed through every trial we faced and we came out of them stronger.

Don't give yourself a bad time for having a bad attitude, be proud of yourself for obeying the Spirit. Many people would have ignored it and stay home or turned back soon after leaving. You are a wonderful person and I just love you. I don't know when or how, but some day you will look back and see why you were supposed to have made these moves. I admire you for what you're doing. When you are feeling down, remember how unhappy Lilia was when she came to Utah when prompted by the spirit and how well that turned out.

Keep your chin up! Attitude does make a world of difference.

love ya,

RL

I know you've got your sisters, but you can always call me.

Anonymous said...

What an inspiration you are! I have been priviledged to share this time with you! And I LOVE you! You go girl!!

mary said...

you go girl! i don't think anyone loves anywhere new they move to right off. An utah is SOO different than hawaii. . . but i'm so glad you're out here girl. way to look for the good in everything.

Joe & Miki Ha'o said...

wow...that was well written. thanks for the lesson!

Leise said...

Hey Nia! Yup we're in France til May, then...who knows? Either back to Laie or back to Provo, I guess. But can I just add an AMEN to the whole moving thing? I hated it too, but it's not that bad...though there's no place like home!

The Croft's said...

Amen. Your post totally reminded me of myself 6.5 years ago. Now that I've been here for awhile-- I go back and fourth about whether or not I want to return back to Laie to live. This week its a "I can't wait to move home" week. I'm sure next week it will be the opposite. Keep your head up sister. All will be well...

Health By Lisa said...

Hey- I just found your blog and this post and you are a good writer!! I've just spent the past hour reading everything! In my experience/opinion - moving and living in UT is hard. I get you! I also think you have an amazing list of things you've learned. It's easier to stay critical - way to come out ahead. Seriously - give yourself a pat on the back. It sounds like you've figured out a lot of the reasons you are there. Learning sucks.